Did we break the circle?

 

This is a tribute to 

the past 

the expectations 

the unsent letters 

the missing pieces 

the unsolved issues 

the disappointments

the broken feelings 

the vague memories 

the incomplete stories 

the unfinished business 

the doomed relationships 

.

"When I am hurt, I do what I do best,

I write letters to people who will never read them in hope that my feelings will somehow to find a way to heal"

.

I close my eyes and listen to our songs

A tear falls on my left cheek and I pause for a second 

Maybe this is the last time I write you something?

Maybe it should be the last time I write you anything.  

.

Hey 

How are you ? it's been a while 

Or has it? The memories feel a bit hazy

We have been spending quite some time together recently.

A spot in my heart warmed up for you. 

You are finally starting to grow on me.

'

'

Little did I know, we will not feed the stray cats on the beach anymore 

Little did I know, the Chinese takeout in the parking lot would be our last meal together 

Little did I know, the late night car rides and the endless conversations are coming to an end 

Little did I know, instead of making me laugh you would make me cry 

'

'

My eyes remain closed

I don't see anything 

I don't see you 

And I continue to shed tears 

'

'

There is an image of me floating in the empty space, 

I walk, I run, I tumble and I fall

It is dark, it is cold, it is dismal.

I run and run and run 

I don't get anywhere

It feels like chasing the memory of you is like chasing a distant mirage 

Whenever I get closer to it, it fades away. 

It amazes me how fragile we both are 

So strong yet so easy to break 

Whenever you reach a hand to me, I pull away 

Whenever I reach a hand to you, you pull away 

Our shadows dance in the dark, but they never meet

And we keep playing the same game 

over and over again

This time feels different though

'

My heart fills with grief remembering the way you disappeared without saying goodbye.

'

Did we break the circle this time?

Did we break beyond repair? 

When I open my eyes ; I feel the pain 

You didn't break the circle, you broke me.

April 2020